


Road Trip

by moviefan



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 13:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7534189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moviefan/pseuds/moviefan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang goes on a trip to New York City.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Road Trip

Dennis, Mac, Dee and Charlie are piled into Dee’s tiny new car. Dee is driving, Dennis is in the passenger seat, and Mac and Charlie are in the back.

Mac: I can’t believe we’re taking this car

Dee: Hey, I got a good deal for it. Let’s see how long I can keep this one. (looks pointedly at Mac and Charlie). Anyway, that was the deal we made with Frank. He’d get to use the Range Rover if he stayed behind and took care of the bar.

Charlie: Oh yeah, Frank gave me this tape to play in the car. It’s a GPS with him giving us directions. It’ll help us get there a lot faster

Charlie hands Dennis the tape, who puts it in the tape deck.

Cassette hissing noise, then-

Frank’s voice: Hello? Is this on? Okay, now you’re gonna want to go straight, then left, then another right, then past that place Charlie and me got barbecue that one time-

Dennis hits the fast-forward button then presses play.

Frank’s voice:…and that’s why me and Artemis aren’t allowed at _that_ Wendy’s anymore. Now, the Burger King across the street, that’s an interesting story-

Dennis hits the fast-forward and play buttons again a few more times. In between, we hear:

Sound of Frank eating. Sound of Frank asleep and snoring. Sound of Frank waking up with a loud crashing sound and the sound of a cat meowing

Frank’s voice: Get out of here, Charlie Jr.!

Dee, Dennis, and Mac all look at Charlie

Charlie: Oh! Charlie Jr. is one of the alley cats that stays with us sometimes. He hasn’t totally solved our rat problem, but the numbers have been down recently

Dennis ejects the tape, rolls down his window and throws the tape out the window

Charlie: You’re gonna owe Frank $2.50 for that!

Dennis: Well most GPS systems offer precise directions and state-of-the-art technology, not the nonsensical ramblings of an old man on a cassette tape!

Dennis takes a deep breath

Dennis: Sorry about that, I’m calm

Mac: Hey, why don’t we have some music. I made a great tape. One the one side, it’s Side A of my Creed mix, and on the other, I have songs from Jesus Christ Superstar. I’ve really gotten into musical theatre since I got to sing on the cruise ship, and the songs are about God, so, bonus

Dennis: (under his breath) Musical theatre, greasing dudes on Mac Day, Rex, I mean, nothing going on there at all

Dee shoots Dennis a look

Dennis: Okay, let’s have that tape, buddy

Mac hands Dennis the tape, who puts it in

Higher by Creed plays.

Mac: Oh, when it gets to the other side, can you skip the Judas numbers?

Dennis: What? Why? There’s no point to the story without them. That guy had a killer voice, too. (pause) Fine, but we’re playing my music next

Dee: Uh, I don’t think so. It’s my car, and I brought my Soul Asylum tape

Charlie: I brought a tape, too

Mac: (quickly) All in favour of playing Charlie’s tape last

Mac, Dennis, and Dee all raise their hands

Dennis: (to Dee) Okay, how are we gonna settle this?

Cut to Mac driving and Charlie in the passenger seat. Dennis and Dee are in the back with a cooler between them, each chugging a beer

Mac and Charlie: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Dee finishes her beer first and crushes it in her hand

Dee: I win, bitches!

Dee belches loudly

Mac: Okay, so New York City, I’m excited

Dennis: Me too, I planned the perfect itinerary

Dee: You suggested visiting the Museum Of Sex, that doesn’t really count as a schedule

Charlie: I want to go see Cats

Mac: Oh, we’re definitely going to a musical

Charlie: Awesome!

Dennis flips through a travel guide

Dennis: Okay, so yes to the Museum Of Sex, yes to Cats, how about the Statue Of Liberty?

Dee, Charlie and Mac: Eh…

Mac: I feel like I’ve seen it so much in movies and stuff

Dee: Also no to the Empire State Building. You have to pay a shitload of money to get to the top floor

Charlie: There’s gotta be a ton of famous bars there

Dennis: Definitely. I say we do a tour

Dee: We have to check out a comedy club. New York will be the perfect place to showcase my new material. Oh, it’s my turn for music now

Cut to Runaway Train by Soul Asylum playing. Charlie and Dee are singing along to the tape. Mac and Dennis look bored.

Cut to Dennis, Mac, and Charlie checking out their New York City hotel room. It is a standard room with two beds, a cot, TV, and a minifridge. Charlie opens the minifridge.

Charlie: All right! Complimentary chocolate and booze!

Mac: Um, that actually costs money and it’s expensive, so pace yourself, okay?

Charlie: Sure

Dennis: I’m gonna go check out Dee’s room

Dee opens her door and Dennis looks into the room. It is a suite, with two TVs, a king-size bed, and extra furniture

Dennis: (suspicious) I’m sharing a room with Mac and Charlie. How’d you swing this?

Dee pulls out Frank’s credit card from her purse

Dee: Boom! How do you like that? Sweet Dee gets a suite and a king-size bed all to herself. You and Mac are Charlie’s problem for a few days

Dennis: (annoyed) What the hell do you even need two TVs for?

Dee: Well, maybe if you guys are nice, I’ll think about letting you letting you visit

Dennis: (annoyed) I…you…

Dee waits for a second while Dennis struggles to come up with a cutting remark

Dee: All right, good luck with the comeback, boner

Dee shuts the door on him

Dennis’ voice: …this will not stand!

Cut to the next morning. Charlie lets Dee into his, Dennis, and Mac’s room. Charlie, Dennis, and Mac are up and dressed but groggy.

Dee: Ah! I love that king-size bed. Best sleep of my life

Mac: Charlie was tossing for hours and then he started talking in his sleep

Charlie: I think I’m just used to sharing the bed with Frank

Dennis: (to Dee) Charlie’s taking the couch in your room tonight, Dee. I can’t handle another night of that

Dee: (sighs) Fine. So, what’s on the agenda for today?

Mac takes out his phone and looks at it

Mac: Today, we’re going on one of those bus tours of the city-

Charlie: I picked that

Mac: Then we’re going to tour a few bars, get dinner, and then we’re going to see Cats

Dee: That sounds good

Dennis: I thought we were going to Museum Of Sex

Mac: Well, Charlie wasn’t really into that, and we actually all want to do the bus tour now

Dennis: Okay then, while you guys are listening to some guy drone on about the history of whatever building, I’ll be having a good time by myself. Let me know which bar you’re at later, and I’ll meet you there

Mac: Okay

Dee: Later

Charlie: See ya

Mac, Dee, and Charlie leave.

Cut to Dennis walking through the museum by himself.

Dennis: (to himself) Here I am. The guys don’t know what they’re missing. I am gonna have such a better time than them. All right, seeing a lot of couples and people in groups here. That’s okay. Shit, did that security guard just look at me? Okay, I am not seeing anyone here by themselves. Ah, screw it, this place is dead anyway. I’ll go find the guys

Cut to later in the day. Mac, Charlie, and Dee are in drinking in a bar that looks similar to Paddy’s but cleaner. Dennis walks in, orders a beer, and sits with them.

Mac: Hey, how was the museum?

Dennis: Well, you know, given my many great erotic exploits, there was only so much I could learn from that place. I probably could’ve been a great tour guide. So…did you guys have fun?

Dee: The tour wasn’t bad

Mac: Times Square was cool

Dee: Then Charlie got us kicked off

Mac: He was hiding a couple beers under his hoodie that got shaken up and exploded on the bus

Charlie: Well, I brought enough for all of us. It’s the thought that counts

Dennis: This place is pretty nice

Mac: We toured a couple bars after we got kicked off. I think this is the best one

Dennis: So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?

Dee: We’re going to look around Greenwich Village and then I’m going to do my stand-up at a club

Charlie: I’m really looking forward to Cats tonight

Mac: Me too, buddy

Cut to after the production of Cats. Charlie fiddles with a bag of candy and it crinkles loudly. After a minute, it opens with a loud bang.

Charlie: Finally!

Charlie empties some candy into his mouth and chews loudly. Dennis, Dee and Charlie get up to leave their row. The row of people sitting behind them give them dirty looks as they leave.

Dee: (to Charlie) So, what did you think?

Charlie: It was okay, I guess. I liked the songs. I kinda thought there’d be cats, though

Dee: (stunned) You…you thought there would be actual cats wandering around on a stage with music playing?

Charlie: Well, no, not just wandering around. This is Broadway, so I’d assumed they would know how to do tricks and stuff

Dennis: (to Dee) Don’t-just don’t try to decipher how his mind works

Charlie: Hey, where’s Mac?

They look around and see Mac standing near the theatre entrance talking to a hot guy. Mac sees them as they walk over

Mac: Oh, hey guys! This is Jimmy. He’s one of the backup dancers in the show. There’s a bar he’s going to, so I guess we’re going to go check that out (motions to himself and Jimmy). I guess we missed it on our bar tour. Anyway, see you later!

Mac and Jimmy leave.

Dennis: Well, this is an interesting development

Charlie: Jimmy seemed into him

Dee: Maybe this is a step closer for him to coming out. I mean, a few years ago, he wouldn’t have mentioned going to a bar with a guy

Charlie: I don’t know if he even would have went alone

Dennis: I don’t know if I like that guy. I think I’d like to talk to him a bit. Find out what he’s like

Dee gives Dennis a look

Dee: Since when do you care so much?

Dennis: I don’t _care_ , exactly. If Mac’s going to start hooking up or dating, I want to make sure he’s with quality guys, that’s all

Dee: Right

Dennis: Whatever. Charlie, you’re in Dee’s suite on her couch tonight

Charlie: Alright! Two TVs!

Cut to the next day. The gang is in Washington Square Park. Dee watches a guy play guitar under the Washington Arch. Dennis and Mac are half-watching Charlie sloshing through the fountain looking for coins.

Dennis: So, what, you’re not talking to me now?

Mac: (sighs) I just want to have a good vacation. Can we do this later?

Dennis: I don’t see why we can’t talk about it now. You come back to the room tanked, noisy as shit, wake me up from a perfectly good dream. I make one comment about why couldn’t Jerk-Off have walked you to the room and made sure you got in okay

Mac: (angrily): His name is Jimmy, asshole! Seriously, no one else is acting like this about me going out last night. I don’t know what your problem is

Dee hears the outburst and looks over at them

Dennis: I…

Mac waits expectantly

Dennis: It’s just important to check in. For one of us to make sure the other is okay. (quietly) I would have done that if it were me

Mac looks at him for a second

Mac: (uncomfortable) I…I gotta go. My hangover is killing me today

Mac walks over to the fountain where Charlie is looking for coins

Cut to later that night. Dee has just finished performing at a comedy club. Charlie is sitting between Mac and Dennis, who aren’t talking. The room suddenly erupts into applause. Mac, Dennis and Charlie look confused

Mac: What the hell?

Dennis turns to a guy sitting beside him

Dennis: Hey, what just happened? She was terrible

Guy: Terrible? She was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. The way she was just breathing into the mic at the beginning, then when she pretended like she was going to throw up. Plus those intentionally awful sound effects. She’s deconstructing terrible comedy. I love Sweet Dee, great character

Dennis: (to Charlie) Are we in some alternate universe?

Dee signs autographs for a few people before walking over to Dennis, Mac and Charlie

Dee: Alright! I killed it!

The gang walks back to the hotel. Dee notices how quiet Mac and Dennis are being.

Mac and Dennis walk into their room. Suddenly there is the sound of something heavy being moved against the other side of the door

Dennis: Uh, what’s going on?

Dee’s voice: Charlie’s staying on my couch tonight. I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, but you’re gonna figure it out before we go home tomorrow

Mac: Are you serious?!

Dee’s voice: Have a good night

Sound of Dee walking away and shutting her door

Both Mac and Dennis look uncomfortable.

Dennis: Godamn bird, huh? (laughs nervously)

Mac goes to the minifridge and gets a beer.

Mac: Want one?

Dennis: Definitely

Mac tosses Dennis a beer and they both take a drink. There’s an uncomfortable silence for a minute.

Mac: So…What’s your problem with Jimmy?

Dennis: I don’t have a problem, I just don’t know the guy that well. Neither do you, really. I’m kinda surprised you went out with him. Which bar did you go to, anyway?

Mac: Just a bar. It doesn’t matter

Dennis: Well, if it doesn’t matter, then you can tell me. (pause) Look, I’ve known you since high school. You’re my best friend. Me and the rest of the gang, we all care about you

Mac: (sighs) It…it was a gay bar. I’m gay

Dennis: Is this gonna be like what happened on the cruise ship, where you came out and then you acted like you were just kidding? Cause, seriously, everyone is fine with it. You don’t have to worry about us

Mac lets out a deep breath and smiles

Mac: Okay, you have to admit, though, you were acting kind of weird. No one else was giving me shit about going out with Jimmy

Dennis: I just-I don’t see what the appeal is other than he’s hot. And I was just worried about you. I don’t want you hooking up with losers. You deserve a quality guy

Dennis walks closer to Mac

Mac raises an eyebrow and laughs nervously

Mac: Oh yeah, like who?

Dennis moves closer and gently kisses Mac.

Mac: I swear, dude, if you’re messing with me-

Dennis: I’m not

There is a pause for a second before Mac kisses Dennis back. The kissing becomes more passionate.

Cut to the next morning. Mac and Dennis are sleeping in Mac’s bed. Dennis opens his eyes and looks over at Mac, who is snoring softly. Dennis smiles. Suddenly, there is the sound of something being moved away from the door and someone pounding on the door.

Dee’s voice: Get up, turkeys! Charlie and I are ready to go!

The noise wakes up Mac and he groans. He notices Dennis looking at him. Mac smiles.

Mac: Hi

Dennis: Hey. We better get up

Cut to Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Dee standing in front of the hotel with their luggage.

Dennis: Uh, where’s the car?

Cut to Dennis, Mac, Charlie and Dee riding a bus back to Philadelphia. Dee and Charlie are sitting together across the row from Mac and Dennis.

Dee: Goddamnit

Mac: (to Charlie) So you went out to the car because you forgot a beer and you left the keys in the ignition

Charlie: Hey, I’m as surprised as you. I thought that New York was supposed to be safe now. I don’t know about you guys, but I had a good time

Mac: Yeah, maybe we can come back another time

Dennis: That would be good

Mac squeezes Dennis’ hand and Dee notices. She smiles to herself.


End file.
